The Fire Within: My Creative Struggles as a Writer

( LONG POST AHEAD ) There are nights like this, that I honestly do not know what to do. Just like everyone else. I am entering this phase. For a week now, I am having an inner battle with myself. I am embracing my creative side and at the same time I also want to know more of what is my style.

Freestyle writing has been one for me. Like I can write down for hours. Just give me a pen and paper. I can entertain myself just by doing that. What do you do with these raging fire within you. Not knowing how to tame this inside me, I just can’t sit back and relax. Especially wait.

I know that there is no right answer. As I am doing more things out of my comfort zone, I am becoming more scared but I feel alive at the same time. I do not know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. They say, stick to one thing and become so good at it that they couldn’t ignore you. I hope that this would absolutely help me for the better too.

Diving deep down within myself, asking what do I really want in life. And what does feel natural to me? It’s writing freely. Just letting all these thoughts flow.

This week, I have published contents here on my blog. Of course, I do not have any solid base. On the other side, I have 3 subscribers already. There are times that you know it’s so hard to keep going especially when you doubt yourself if this will even lead to a greater cause. And no matter how much positive thinking you have, it doesn’t even do the trick. You feel stuck and powerless.

Nonetheless, you continue to press keys. Take action while doubting yourself. Because one day, you’ll look back on days like these and read that this is how it felt like starting. With no support, no connection, and not knowing what is going to happen.

Someday, this post will be a bookmark of how I started my blogging journey. It’s hard because I am now starting to question myself and there I need to give myself a deeper why in order to keep going. I am doing this for myself and for other people. Because not everybody wants to listen to a video, some would rather read an article like this. Excuse my wrong grammar and punctuation, this is unfiltered stuff, not even AI can even copy.

Maybe that perfection comes from the technology too that puts pressure on people like us. And I hope that we will conquer being perfect and continue creating crafts that we really love about life. And this is mostly my hobby, I am reflecting on my thoughts. To be really clear on what I want in life.

Is it true that when people doesn’t give up on their dreams, it will come true? I am looking forward for the day that I will get to answer and repost this post about me struggling to sleep at night, not knowing what to do about the fire that I kept inside me for too long. I need to keep creating because it’s the only way to ease this feeling.

When I discovered that I love to write, I even contemplated if I should go back to school. Learn different styles. But also, I am scared that it would take away my natural style because I do not want to go to a cookie cutter system.

I know that thinking hard is not the only way to discover. We have to do things and learn from it. Or is it just me, being to impatient. Wanting to skip the process and arrive to the destination desired right away.

They said, “Dream big.” But as I am getting older, these dreams makes me so scared and right now I am taking action to chase after them. I do not want to wait anymore years, that time will come, I will regret of not seeing what it’s like to experience how it’s going to feel accomplishing things. More than accomplishment, I am so crazy about the idea of building something. Especially business from scratch and doing it daily. Make overs and renovation. These are some of my core.

I read a lot of books last year. Most of them are self-help books. Personal development, through those books I know that I am also lacking the most important thing. Taking action. Without taking action. There’s nothing out of it too. I hope that I am not pressuring myself so much right now again.

It’s true starting is really hard. Especially when you are alone.

I hope that my heart will still carry on as I figure things out for myself. I know that I have delayed a lot of things in the past and that’s the reason why I am here right now. I am prioritizing myself to embrace the truest highest version of myself.

Micah, I also need to remind you that there is beauty in waiting. You have to remind yourself that trees don’t grow in a week, in a month, in a year. It will take many years to see that tree, with strong roots as it’s foundations.

Cultivating the land is part of that too. Don’t be too focused on the fruits that you wanted to bear, but rather prepare yourself to the person you really wanted to become. You have to be really clear to yourself what you want to become. Avoid hitting random goals. Set a clear one for yourself.

To tell you, when I was in my early 20s, all I wanted was attention and recognition. Then I choose to be silent because there are too many voices that I couldn’t avoid to listen. Most of their voices will tell me to stop and be practical. Most of them, think that I am not grateful for the life that I have right now for wanting more in life.

This drive inside me that doesn’t want to sit still in one place and wants to really do something about my dreams. I think this is the time, the perfect time that I have been always been waiting for. Is the time that I decide that I will take a step toward my goal.

I exhaled a deep breath. While I feel the goosebumps around my shoulders and my back. I do not want to be comfortable. Most of the advice I received here is playing it safe and just be grateful with what you have. I have to embrace uncertainty and this journey in front of me. With all my strength. It will pass Micah. You just need to go through this season of transformation. Aligned with that, you need to answer these questions too.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

AND HOW WILL YOU GET THERE?

For writers and creators out there, how did you overcome this phase?

-Micah B.

March 30, 2025 | 3:37 AM | Fort St John | British Columbia